Inspired by what has become a swath of unseasonably warm weather, Aura and I headed over to Harvard Square today for a little exploring. As we were tooling around the area, I decided to formally introduce Aura to Harvard itself. “Maybe you’ll want to go here someday!” I chirped sunnily to Aura, ducking through one of the many arched gates that dot Harvard Yard.
A minute or so into our tour, Aura had already stopped listening to my speech on the importance of higher education, preferring instead to climb staircases and run on the lawns. I was soon reduced to talking to myself, raising my voice during the important parts to regain Aura’s attention. “Schools like Harvard are certainly a possibility IF YOU BUCKLE DOWN,” I yelled. “Never forget that MERIT SCHOLARSHIPS can be yours!”
It was somewhere around the time I was explaining college’s potential for “LIFELONG FRIENDSHIPS!” and “SELF DISCOVERY!” that I first noticed the many flyers dotting the campus. The more of them I read, the softer my diatribe became.
By the time I finished reading these, I was starting to change my tune. “But there is certainly nothing wrong with smaller, lesser known schools!” I called to Aura as she whipped back and forth in front of the famed Widener Library. “Many state schools produce a DIZZYING array of successful graduates!” I cried out, pulling Aura back toward one of the campus gates. Every time a passing student smiled at Aura, I glared in return, muttering things like “Sexual deviant!” under my breath.
Then I saw this flyer.
It wasn’t until Aura started tugging on my hand that I realized I had been standing in front of this particular flyer for an unnecessarily long time. But…vajazzled? In a legendary place of higher learning? The editor in me took offense with the j in place of a g, the proofreader in me bemoaned the underline in place of italics, the music lover in me reared back in horror by the bastardization of jazz.
And the mother in me? “FORGET WHAT I SAID,” I announced to Aura, scooping her up and racing for an exit as fast as my legs could carry us. “THIS IS NOT THE SCHOOL FOR YOU.”
Another day, another $48,868 per year saved. And Aura will never touch a stick-on jewel again.
March 9, 2010 at 12:16 am
AHHHAHAHA! I love watching you discover all of these sexual pop culture thingymajigs. I can just picture you like literally gasping in horror.
So, I have to ask. Does my writing and grammar kill you a little bit inside?
March 9, 2010 at 7:15 am
I am just glad she can’t read yet! When I was five, I asked my mom what a hooker was in the checkout line in the grocery store after reading it on one of the tabloid covers. She mumbled something about fishing. I’ve been confused ever since.
March 9, 2010 at 8:20 am
Welcome to Higher Education! I have 2 there now, one in NYC at an art school (oh, boy…), and one at a “small private college.” Doesn’t matter; they’re all the same in that respect. Altho I suppose a nice Christian school may not have the fliers up.
Just don’t go strolling campuses till you’re ready. It’s easier on the eyes. And soul.
March 9, 2010 at 11:46 am
OMG – that’s outrageous! And hilarious!
And vajazzling . . . I had NO idea.
Perhaps your daughter could do one of those on-line community college courses. From home. Where she’d be safe and supervised at all times.
March 9, 2010 at 12:24 pm
HARVARD: A non-conforming school of sexual deviants!
I love it!
You win the prize for best story told today.
March 9, 2010 at 12:37 pm
And for those of you that (who?) attended Suffolk U., my all time favorite. “I bet mine is bigger than yours”.
Joe and Nemo’s Hot Dogs
circa 1993
PL&L
March 9, 2010 at 12:57 pm
Let me first say, I really love the name Aura.
I also love that she will not be bedazzling any part of herself in the near future. My future daughters will not be allowed near stickable jewels just to avoid any untoward jokes.
Ah, crap, I just used the word untoward.
Just think of all the other dollars reading signs can save. Enough to buy yourself a vacation I bet.
March 9, 2010 at 4:48 pm
Vajazzling is officially my favorite new hilarious thing of the week. Harvard!? Who knew!?
March 9, 2010 at 4:48 pm
Just stopped by from a comment you left on another blog. When I first started reading, I thought how cool it was that you live close enough to just pop over to Harvard to play…by the end, not so much! Your story gave me a good laugh this afternoon.
March 9, 2010 at 6:39 pm
I just Googled “Vajazzling” and I’m not ashamed to admit that I had to do that. Sometimes I feel as though I need to know a certain amount of pop culture so that my students at Boston University won’t laugh too hard at me behind my back (oh, who am I kidding- to my face!). Whoa…… I don’t think we’ll be seeing that one on any DYI informercial anytime soon!
March 9, 2010 at 8:43 pm
Jennifer Love Hewitt has ruined sparkly bits for me forever.
Ugh, even that SENTENCE sounds wrong.
I’ve tried to convince my husband that we could TOTALLY homeschool college but he’s not buying it. He’s all, “professors, labs, blah blah BLAH”.
I could be a professor.
March 9, 2010 at 9:07 pm
Hahvad girls have wicked smaht (and shiny) vajayjays.
March 9, 2010 at 9:23 pm
I love that you were introducing Aura to the benefits of aspiring to a Harvard education, even though she had no interest and probably no clue what you were rambling on about…That sounds like something I would do (have done?) with Lil Bits…The turn of events was hysterical. Loved this post! (and I’m a fan of yours, anyway…but how much does that count? I wasn’t even Seven Sisters…)
Thank you for the sincere tear-jerking comment on my blog…I can’t help but keep it in mind now.
March 9, 2010 at 9:23 pm
I feel like I am reading about that vajazzling everywhere these days! On a side note, I didn’t know you were in Boston. I actually live in Boston, too!
March 9, 2010 at 9:25 pm
I have nothing to say. I just don’t want to be comment #13. Thanks.
March 10, 2010 at 11:32 am
This is all too typical of our institutions of higher learning these days. Is it possible to home-school through college? I like your style…..addin’ you to my blogroll! Thanks for the post!
March 10, 2010 at 8:02 pm
Ok, let’s leave our daughters at home and go back to school ourselves. Cuz I feel the need for some vajazzling! (except not at all)
March 22, 2010 at 10:16 am
And you thought school was all about the three R’s. LOL