Honestly, if you’re that ugly, you really should be extinct.
March 10, 2010
Aura and I went to the Museum of Science today, nipping into the dinosaur room about an hour into our visit. After one minute of standing and staring at a giant Triceratops skeleton, I found that I just couldn’t lie to myself any longer. “I’m seriously starting to doubt this dinosaur thing,” I whispered conspiratorially to Aura.
And I really am. I’m sure there is a veritable legion of five-year-old boys out there who would happily correct me or at least shin-kick me into obeisance, but honestly, I’m not sure I could be convinced. I mean, just look at those things:
I know, I know. There is evidence, and there are fossils, and yes, scientists think dinosaurs lived on all continents and came in varying sizes and met a bad end by asteroid, yada yada yada snore. But STILL. We don’t really know, right? It’s not like they left behind these wildly revealing dinosaur diaries or scratched out some cave drawings with their little Mesozoic claws. Basically, some men back in the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries found some bones, got out some Victorian-era Crazy Glue, and went to town. It was kind of like Extreme Makeover: Home Edition except that Ty Pennington was a paleontologist and instead of a new house there was a new creature. YES, IT WAS JUST LIKE THAT. DO NOT DOUBT MY POP-CULTURE PREHISTORIC ANALOGIES.
Okay, so maybe it wasn’t just like that. However, I remain skeptical of a field of study in which there exist so many may haves and probably dids. The freakin’ explanation cards in the museum even admit to the uncertainties. For example! It turns out that no one really knows why the Triceratops had that frill thing on the back of its head. Some think it was for mating purposes, others for defense, still others for temperature regulation. No one suggests the theory that the frill was meant to draw attention away from the BUTT UGLY HORNS, but I might as well go ahead and float it.
So what is it about kids and dinosaurs? I wouldn’t say Aura is necessarily overwhelmed by the idea of dinosaurs, but she’ll sit in front of a dinosaur fossil or the show Dinosaur Train for, oh, any-amount-of-time longer than I ever will. In my mind, there are so many others things that should intrigue a child, like magnets or ladybugs or electricity or UNICORNS, for God’s sake. Every time I see a kid playing with a toy dinosaur, I want to sneak over and replace it with something like a Donny Osmond or William Shatner action figure. Yes, yes, the dinosaurs were around 160 million years before that unlucky, asteroid-lit night. But Shatner? Now THAT guy has real staying power.
March 10, 2010 at 11:50 pm
First of all, let me just say that unicorns are and always have been one of my favorite things.
I went through a stage as a kid that I wanted to be a paleontologist. Then at some point I learned that I was good at digging, but terrible at science so my dreams would never be realized. My non-scientific brain is telling me that you may be onto something about the whole ‘attention away from the horns’ thing. Maybe those guys just couldn’t stand the ridicule anymore?
March 11, 2010 at 7:32 am
Yeah, I don’t get the kids and dinosaur thing at all. When I used to teach preschool, so many of the kids were obsessed with categorizing the plastic dinosaurs. “This one’s a Brontosaurus,” they’d tell me, their eyes lighting up with the thrill of their nerdy knowledge.
“Sure,” I’d say, instantly forgetting it as my eyes glazed over with boredom, “but what’s his name? Do you think he had a job? What do you think they did all day without a TV or iPods?”
I don’t think any of my students are going to stun the world with their scientific revelations and it’s all my fault.
March 11, 2010 at 8:26 am
Oh em gee, I am sick of dinosaurs. But I think you may be on to something with your conspiracy theory.
According to Avery, the dinosaurs all died RIGHT before she was born. That’s why we don’t see them in zoos. The whole millions of years thing has no bearing with her.
Maybe a Fake Dinosaur Society is in order?
March 11, 2010 at 11:58 am
You crack me up. Seriously. I love you and your crazy ways.
March 11, 2010 at 12:53 pm
LMAO. I’m so with you on the unicorns. WAAAAAY more interesting than dinosaurs. And so much more plausible too. You are hilarious.
March 11, 2010 at 1:22 pm
I’m pretty sure it’s for the exact reason that you doubt their existence: it seems freakin’ impossible that they were real!! They seem like a huge joke that adults are playing on kids. Really, do you think the scientists got together with Ty Pennington to pull one over on us?
March 11, 2010 at 2:41 pm
It is SO funny that you post this today, because just last night, I was reading G a book about the zoo. There was a picture of a rhinoscerous (I know I misspelled that!), and all I could think of was, “gosh, those things look like they should be extinct!”
~Elizabeth
Confessions From A Working Mom
March 11, 2010 at 4:00 pm
I agree with Salt up there- I’ve always loved unicorns and there should be a museum about THEM if we’re going to have bunches of ones for dinosaurs. I mean, at least we KNOW unicorns are real. Of course they’re real.
March 11, 2010 at 6:32 pm
LOVE the title of this post. And I might just be with you. I mean, those dino people are guessing at BEST.
March 11, 2010 at 7:21 pm
Ha! Great post. Brings back memories of our trip to Ireland: we spent lots of time touring Megalithic Whatnots. Lots of tourguides solemnly intoning the Great Intent of the Those That Built Whatnot…until we got one tourguide who cheerily admitted: we don’t have any records of these people. So we have to make stuff up.
March 11, 2010 at 7:40 pm
I agree. I don’t particularly find the dinosaur thing all that interesting either.
March 11, 2010 at 7:48 pm
%#$*&^)!!@)*&%_)#
I just didn’t want you to feel left out.
March 14, 2010 at 3:54 pm
I find it fascinating how science and the Bible spar on the point of where dinosaurs fit in.